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“Truth, conveyed by a smartass.”
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The newest editions, newest first. We publish deadpan, a few times a week.
Washington · Saturday, October 24, 2026

HEGSETH BREAKS EISENHOWER’S GLOBE; THE SECRETARY’S MOTHER IS QUOTED

The Secretary of Defense broke Dwight D. Eisenhower’s globe in the spring, and the government has been making do with a replacement that preservation officials describe as having “significantly less history” and “a noticeably lower purchase price.” Reached for comment, the Secretary’s mother said she had warned him.

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Washington · Saturday, October 24, 2026

WHITE HOUSE ANNOUNCES PROSECUTIONS FOR DISHONEST STAFF; WASHINGTON RUNS OUT OF LAWYERS TO DEFEND THEM, THEN REMEMBERS IT HAS ONLY TWO TO PROSECUTE THEM

The President announced that dishonest officials “have to be prosecuted” — a policy that ran into a problem of supply. Nearly every white-collar defense lawyer in Washington has already been retained by an official in his administration, and the Justice Department office responsible for prosecuting corrupt public officials currently has two attorneys.

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Washington · Friday, October 23, 2026

TRUMP ACCUSES BBC AND FEDERAL JUDGE OF CONSPIRING TO DEPOSE HIM, VIA THE DEPOSITION, IN HIS OWN LAWSUIT

The deposition is the President’s — he is the plaintiff — which has not slowed the accusation that everyone involved in scheduling it is attempting to depose him, in both senses, one of which is a coup and the other of which is a Tuesday.

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