BRAIN WORM DISTANCES ITSELF FROM KENNEDY’S MICHIGAN REMARKS: “I ATE A PORTION. I DID NOT WRITE THE SPEECH.”
GRAND RAPIDS - The parasite Robert F. Kennedy Jr. has said once ate part of his brain announced Tuesday it “wants no part of” his Monday address to the Kent County GOP, which claimed 500 million Arabs don’t produce science or literature and don’t win Nobel, Fields or Wolf prizes.
“I was in there for a while, and I can tell you the man needed no help,” said a statement from the worm’s publicist, Linda Pruitt. “My client ate a *portion*. He did not write the remarks, fact-check the remarks, or sign off on the remarks. Frankly, my client expected more from the remaining brain.”
The statement noted that Naguib Mahfouz won the Nobel in literature in 1988, Ahmed Zewail won the Nobel in chemistry in 1999 after winning the Wolf Prize, and Omar Yaghi won the Wolf Prize in chemistry in 2018 and the Nobel in chemistry in 2025. Pruitt added that the words “algebra” and “algorithm,” both of Arabic origin as critics pointed out online, were “unavailable for comment, as they were busy holding up all of modern mathematics.”
Political observers said the speech, which was reportedly aimed at Michigan Senate candidate Abdul El-Sayed, who holds a medical degree and an Oxford doctorate, may have been a strategic error. “Nothing says ’trust the science’ like a lecture on science from the Health Secretary that gets the science wrong,” said Dr. Marcia Hale, professor of political science and director of the Institute for Civic Reconciliation at Kestrel State University.
At press time, ethics lawyers were debating whether a county GOP dinner counts as “official travel,” and the worm had retained counsel.
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