Tuesday, October 27, 2026 Hot Springs, Arkansas Price: Your Attention

It’s a Liberal Thing

“Truth, conveyed by a smartass.”
Lady Justice, lifting her blindfold to peek with one eye
Lt. Cmdr. Data addressing the county zoning board from the public-comment lectern
The witness, at the lectern. He used two minutes and forty-one seconds of his three. (Staff photo)
Columbus · The Testimony

“Screw the Prime Directive”: Lt. Cmdr. Data Testifies Against Ohio Data Center; Fans Warn It May Be His Brother

The opposition to the proposed data center behind the Dollar General acquired its most credentialed witness on Tuesday, when Lt. Cmdr. Data of the starship Enterprise appeared before the county zoning board to speak against the facility, on the grounds that he is one.

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The Guild president at the piano; behind him, three Elvis tribute artists in era order
Las Vegas · The Retraction

Liberace Tribute Guild Demands Clinton Retraction; Elvis Impersonators Join the Fight

The Liberace Tribute Guild on Tuesday demanded a full and unqualified retraction from former President Bill Clinton, whose description of the paved-over White House Rose Garden as looking like “the entrance to Liberace’s bathroom” the Guild called “an actionable insult to the bathroom.”

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Prison visiting room; two stools side by side on the inmates’ side of the glass
Brasília · The Runoff

‘If I Can’t Pardon Him, at Least I Can Be His Cellmate’: Flávio Bolsonaro Refuses to Recognize Lula Victory

Senator Flávio Bolsonaro declined on Monday to recognize the results of Sunday’s presidential election, which President Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva won by more than four million votes, and said he would petition to have the result annulled — a course of action that, in his family’s experience, ends in a specific place.

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From the Archive

Federal agents with butterfly nets in a Toledo garden
ICE Raids Ohio Garden in First Operation of Butterfly-Tracking Program

Four hundred pings from one lavender patch. Fourteen butterflies detained, then released. “Hatching here makes them citizens, technically.”

White House physician at a briefing podium
Trump Cancels Livestreamed Execution; Medical Team Blames ‘Acute Case of Temporary Sanity’

The episode lasted four hours. Symptoms included reading a full briefing and asking what the victims’ families might want. He has since recovered.

Corrections

An earlier edition of this newspaper reproduced a presidential map in which a hand-drawn circle labeled “Stockholm” appeared over Finland. The circle was the President’s. Finland is not Stockholm. Sweden is the yellow one in the middle. We regret nothing.

It’s a Liberal Thing maintains a corrections policy. It is available on request and has never been used.

The Dispatch

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