Let us begin with the Vice President’s problem, which is arithmetic. No sitting vice president has been elected president since 1988. The office is a waiting room with excellent stationery, and the nomination in 2028 will not be won by the man in it. It will be awarded — by the man who used to sit in the other chair — to whichever loyalist flinches last. Mr. Vance’s entire brand is succession, and successors in this party are not chosen. They are installed, or they are forgotten. History offers him two doors. One is labeled Pence. The other is Section 4 of the 25th Amendment.
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JACKSON, Miss. — Two days after polls closed, Mississippi’s Senate race remains uncalled for a reason election officials describe as procedural and everyone else describes as audible: having counted its ballots by machine on election night, the state is now counting them again, out loud, one at a time, in Mississippis.
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PALM BEACH, Fla. — President Trump declared Washington’s East Potomac Golf Links “extremely dangerous” this week, blaming fairways “far too close together, leading to a constant barrage of people being hit with wayward shots, and the echoing throughout the fairway of the word, ’FORE!’” Unnamed sources at Mar-a-Lago say the President should probably sit this one out. He is, they note, the one golfer in America who has never had to say it.
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Four hundred pings from one lavender patch. Fourteen butterflies detained, then released. “Hatching here makes them citizens, technically.”
The episode lasted four hours. Symptoms included reading a full briefing and asking what the victims’ families might want. He has since recovered.
An earlier edition of this newspaper reproduced a presidential map in which a hand-drawn circle labeled “Stockholm” appeared over Finland. The circle was the President’s. Finland is not Stockholm. Sweden is the yellow one in the middle. We regret nothing.
It’s a Liberal Thing maintains a corrections policy. It is available on request and has never been used.
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