PALM BEACH, Fla. — President Trump declared Washington’s East Potomac Golf Links “extremely dangerous” this week, blaming fairways “far too close together, leading to a constant barrage of people being hit with wayward shots, and the echoing throughout the fairway of the word, ’FORE!’” Unnamed sources at Mar-a-Lago say the President should probably sit this one out. He is, they note, the one golfer in America who has never had to say it.
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GRAND RAPIDS - The parasite Robert F. Kennedy Jr. has said once ate part of his brain announced Tuesday it “wants no part of” his Monday address to the Kent County GOP, which claimed 500 million Arabs don’t produce science or literature and don’t win Nobel, Fields or Wolf prizes.
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America’s warring political camps, who agree on almost nothing, have achieved a rare moment of unity in a new CNBC survey. It is the kind of reconciliation that has a certain 1970s disco duet playing faintly in the background. Peaches & Herb, at least, would approve.
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Four hundred pings from one lavender patch. Fourteen butterflies detained, then released. “Hatching here makes them citizens, technically.”
The episode lasted four hours. Symptoms included reading a full briefing and asking what the victims’ families might want. He has since recovered.
An earlier edition of this newspaper reproduced a presidential map in which a hand-drawn circle labeled “Stockholm” appeared over Finland. The circle was the President’s. Finland is not Stockholm. Sweden is the yellow one in the middle. We regret nothing.
It’s a Liberal Thing maintains a corrections policy. It is available on request and has never been used.
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